I'm kinda feeling T-Pain, and I should be beaten for it

Yes. It's true. I hate to admit it, but when I hear it on my XM or play it at a gig, I find myself nodding my head to the beat and on some occasions *gasp* singing along. This is wrong at so many levels, I really don't know where the hell to begin.

I first heard about this "Rappa Ternt Sanga" (you see what he did there...he changed the spelling because it was the dope, fresh, chill thing to do) in February of 2006 when I was driving down the Las Vegas Strip to my hotel on the way back from a clothing buyers convention.

"I'm In Love With a Stripper" was the song that was playing. If you have never heard the song, I'm pretty sure you can find the video on YouTube or something like that. I heard the hook and thought, "Alright, it's something different, and Lord knows my affection for Bambi at Lace Gentlemen's Club in Nanuet."

Sorry...that's a different blog for a different day.

When the next verse came up, I realize that he's the only one on the song. His "voice" has a very robotic, twangy sound. It's a cheap knockoff of Roger Troutman, the guy that sings the hook to 2Pac & Dr. Dre's "California Love." You can tell that the voice has been over processed in the studio like Paris Hilton's atrocious attempt at recording an album (I promise that, this will be the only time I will EVER refer to that hose-bag in any of my blogs). If he started to sing because he stopped rapping, I'd hate to hear this guy spit lyrics. Actually, I would just for the cringe factor. Who knows? Maybe he has the skills of a Rakim or Big Daddy Kane. Then again, he may have the flow of Deion Sanders.

After a little research, I found out that he was signed by Akon (birds of a feather...you know the rest) after hearing a remix of "Locked Up" with "I'm Fucked Up" (creative, ain't it?) He indeed does write his lyrics. Here's an excerpt from a gem that's out right now, "Bartender"


[An excerpt of Verse 1]
Broke up with my girl last night so I went to the club (so I went to the club)
Put on a fresh white suit in a Mini coupe sitting on dubs (sitting on dubs)
I'm just looking for somebody to talk to and show me some love (show me some love)
If you know what I mean... Uh-Huh...

[Hook 1]
Oooo she made us drinks, to drink
We drunk 'em, (Got drunk)
And then I think she thinks I'm cool
She gave me a wink, I winked back
And then I think that, we headed out something proper like...

[Chorus]
I like the bartender
(Oooo If you're lookin' for me)
I'm at the bar with her
(Uh-huh, Ok)
I like the bartender
(Yeah if you're lookin' for me)
I'm at the bar with her
(Oooooh Uh-huh, Ok)


Deep, isn't it? I'm calling Deion Sanders on this one. Allow me to break it down...

[Verse 1]
"Broke up with my girl last night so I went to the club (so I went to the club)"

Well, he got over that chick quickly. I take at least two days to get over a girl.


"Put on a fresh white suit in a Mini coupe sitting on dubs (sitting on dubs)"

Who the hell puts big ass rims on a Mini?! Most rims these days are so big, it might be taller than the Mini itself. Maybe this hip hop thing is passing me by, but this sounds a little too hood rich for me

"I'm just looking for somebody to talk to and show me some love (show me some love)

If you know what I mean... Uh-Huh..."

Looks like Mr. Pain wants to get a lil' saucy, but leaves it up to our imagination on what he wants to do. I'm guessing The Samoan Piledriver.


[Hook 1]
"She made us drinks, to drink"

This bartender must be a special gal, since the drinks she made were for him to drink. I usually prefer to snort my Grey Goose.

"We drunk 'em (got drunk)"

Of course he drank them. What hip hop act doesn't drink booze in their songs? The last song I heard any mention of a designated driver was Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It." Let's not forget the usage of past tense and past participles of the word "drink." Mr. Allen, my ninth grade English teacher would be proud.

I'll spare you the rest

If he's going to survive in "the game," he should stick to singing hooks and choruses, written by somebody else of course. I didn't mind him on "U & Dat Booty" from E-40. This would the best way to utilize his "talent." He's a modern day Nate Dogg, if you will. Sure, you'll sing along with him on Warren G's "Regulate," but are you the owner of his CD catalog?

Now, with all of this, I have no damn clue why when his current songs are played in a club, the crowd (myself included) is rockin' to it. If the song were to be playing right now, my dumb ass would be bobbing my head, singing just as off key as T-Pain is. Is it because people are accustomed to the simple lyrics in "hip-pop" today? Since the mid-nineties, the "playa movement" has dumbed down the music I love. It's made me go more towards House music these days for the more soulful lyrics and vibe. Don't get me wrong, there is some really good, intelligent hip hop out there, but I don't think the fellas are going to be grinding to Dilated People's "Spit It Clearly" with some chick on dance floor.

Until then, I'm gonna pull up on a shawty and sing "Buy You a Drank" to her. Maybe I can get in on some of that Samoan Piledriver action.